At LastA Parody
by DreamsofDraco
Summary: Parody of different overused pairings in each chapter. CLICHES INSIDE! PG for "light" language and "nonfat" sexual situations. Read and review please.
1. RonxHermione

Disclaimer: I own none of the Harry Potter characters, I am just borrowing them from the brilliant mind of J.K. Rowling.  
  
Title: At Last-A Parody  
  
Summary: Ah, yes, another Ron/Hermione romance, but with a twist.  
  
Author's Note: Hey.This is my first story, so, please, don't make me cry. I might add more chapters if you like, but not soon. Going to Riverside for a really frikkin' boring soccer tournament. ZZZ. Anyway, if you like it, I'll write another chapter, but if you don't review, I won't know, now, will I? So Review! Please. I entreat you to review (sorry, vocab word in English, just HAD to use it). Okay, the title is based on that wonderful-great- beautiful-brilliant song by Etta James. Surprisingly enough, the song IS actually called "At Last". Wow! Would've never guessed. Anyway, the words of the song are cheesy, but her voice is really what makes it great. Okay so anyway, getting back to the story, the words are cheesy, but they seemed to fit the story perfectly! So read, and please enjoy, and please please please review! Thanx a bunch!  
  
Set on the Hogwarts Express on September 1 of their fifth year. Once again we find Harry, Ron, and Hermione sitting in their compartment chowing down on food Harry has bought from the trolley, while Hermione has her nose in a book and Ron is blankly staring as usual.  
  
Ron: Oh, how I wish I had as much money as Harry. Then I wouldn't have to wear dorky dress robes and ugly sweaters.  
  
Harry: Oh, don't worry about it, Ron. I'll just buy you something expensive and make you feel better.  
  
Ron: Oh, thank you.  
  
Hermione: Could you two please be quiet, I'm trying to read and being annoyingly bossy as usual.  
  
Suddenly, Draco shows up in the doorway. Everyone turns and acts annoyed at him, while Crabbe and Goyle crack their knuckles.  
  
Draco: Ah, yes, I am here again, making rude comments while secretly wishing to be part of your golden friendship.  
  
Harry: Sod off, Malfoy.  
  
Draco: I will now act very typical and look at my two cronies while smirking smugly to you and insulting one of you, causing a great deal of humiliation.  
  
Ron: I will also act very typical, standing up about to lunge at you, causing Harry and Hermione to grab the back of my robes and pull me back into my seat.  
  
Draco: As I will watch and smirk and be laughing from within.  
  
Harry: In constrast, I will be very atypical and rise and ask if you want to take it outside, really knowing that I will be pounded to a pulp, but at the same time wishing to get my two friends together who we know will end up together in the end anyway.  
  
Then, Draco, Harry, Crabbe, and Goyle all leave, leaving Ron and Hermione alone in the compartment.  
  
Ron: Oh, Hermione, as always in these cheesy stories, I need to talk to you privately about something.  
  
Hermione: Of course I will say yes, fitting right into the squeaky clean caring person I always am.  
  
Ron: Well, as always, I am really too embarrassed to say it but I love you and I know you feel the same about me.  
  
Hermione: Oh, Ron, how ever did you guess? I tried to act like nothing was going on even though deep down I too knew that it was meant to be.  
  
Then our two lovebirds kiss, and Ron puts his arm around Hermione, and when Harry walks back in with two black eyes and a bloody nose, he sighs and thinks about Cho Chang and how he wishes he could be just as happy as his two best friends are at the moment. He also feels that now they will be too interested in each other to notice him, and we all wish we could be there comforting the famous Harry Potter.  
  
Set in the Great Hall a few weeks from then.  
  
Ron: Oh, I am every so happy to be with you, now I only wish I could get Harry to realize that Ginny has feelings for him.  
  
Hermione: Yes, the two of them would be perfect together just as we are.  
  
Harry: Hey guys, what's up?  
  
Both: Oh please, oh please, oh please! Please notice Ginny and start dating her and tell her your life would be nothing without her so we can end this stupid, cheesy story with a happy ending for all those sappy readers and be done with it.  
  
Harry: Who? Ginny? Ah, yes, Ron's little sister, the girl I never noticed before now, but, with the help of my friends, a lightbulb has just turned on and my head and I see her staring at me and I suddenly can't live without her.  
  
Now, Harry proceeds to go sit next to Ginny, who gasps and turns red at the sight of Harry.  
  
Ginny: Oh, Harry, I only have one line in this story, so I have to tell you everything quickly. I love you and I just wish you would notice me, oh please oh please oh please notice me famous Harry Potter, even though I'm younger and don't have much to offer and the only person I've ever gone out with was Neville. Please, say one sacred word to me! I long to hear your voice and stare into your ey-  
  
Sorry, we had to stop her sometime!  
  
Harry: Don't worry, I feel the same way.  
  
Then Ginny smiles and Harry smiles back, they kiss, and Ron and Hermione, who have been watching, sigh and kiss realizing how perfect everything turned out, while Draco stares from across the room still wishing to be a part of their golden friendship while wondering why he didn't get the girl.  
  
Suddenly, the whole hall except the two couples turn and stare and tell us that they lived happily ever after.  
  
The End. 


	2. Author's Note

a/n...hey ladies and gents sorry i havent updated in like 8 months......anywho im again really sorry, i would update today but im just not in that parody-ish mood, you know??? i mean to write good sarcasm you have to be in that MOOD (like a sarcastic mood, possibly?!) which i am not in right now. so thats that, i will be back later, bye dreams*of*draco  
  
ps review with any suggestions for next chapter im braindead thanx!! :) 


	3. DracoxMarySue

Disclaimer: See first chapter.  
  
Well, hello all again! I AM BACK!!! *everyone cheers* (yeah, I'm sure)  
  
First off, let me give a GREAT, BIG, HUGE, EXTREMELY APPRECIATED thank you to JUICYJUICE for her (well, at least, I think it's a she) BRILLIANT IDEA to use different pairings in every chapter! Thank you JuicyJuice for that.  
  
Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story and for all those that reviewed last time, enjoy it again! So, sit back, relax, grab your Draco, and enjoy the second installment of.  
  
*drumroll please*  
  
At Last-A Parody.  
  
Oh, and by the way, this is Draco and Mary-sue!  
  
Chapter 2: Draco and Mary-Sue *The following takes place in the Great Hall, on the first day of the Trio's sixth year. Of course, Ron and Hermione are SNOGGING AWAY at the DINNER TABLE for the reasons which NO ONE KNOWS.*  
  
"Once again, as always at the beginning of the year, I am greatly DEPRESSED for no apparent reason other than the fact I just endured eight weeks of LIVING HELL," gripes Harry.  
  
At this point, Ron and Hermione break apart to comfort their dear friend.  
  
"Well, we know that a Mary-Sue will soon be arriving. Just look at the title of the chapter. I'm sure she will be RADIANT and BEAUTIFUL and all those other adjectives they usually are," says Ron.  
  
As if by magic (well, duh), the doors fly open and in steps ..drumroll please... the Great Almighty, the Omni-Powerful.....MARY SUE!!!  
  
Mary Sue walks slowly and coolly down the middle of the aisle, knowing her milkshake is bringing all the boys to the yard. Of course, her robes are undone so everyone can see her MUSCULAR and WELL-TONED PERFECT LEGS which the whole male population is SWOONING over. She also has LONG BLACK CURLY HAIR (no frizz, that would be unacceptable), BRIGHT GREEN EYES which GLOW like Draco's white ass in the sun, a perfectly formed BEAUTIFUL FACE, and a FAULTLESS, FLAWLESS, IMPECCABLE, IMMACULATE, INDEFECTIBLE (a/n: I'll tell you, the thesaurus came out for those) HOURGLASS FIGURE. Of course, because she is Mary Sue, she is not nervous or embarrassed from all the attention she's getting. She walks straight up to the teacher's table with a PERFECT GAIT (thesaurus again) that all envy.  
  
"Hello, Professor Dumbledore," she practically PURRS.  
  
"Well, hello there, Maria," Dumbledore says. He then stands. "Everyone, I would like you to meet the EXCHANGE STUDENT, Maria Ana Celeste Vasthy Elena Mirieda Martinez-Perez-Garcia-Hernandez." Of course, the author SELF- INSERTS and/or picks the FARTHEST NAME from a British name. (a/n: Hope I didn't offend anyone here!) "McGonagall, the Sorting Hat please."  
  
McGonagall places the hat on Maria Ana Celeste...'s head. It shouts: (a/n: Oh, come on, people. I hope you're not in suspense here. The title is Draco/MS......What do you think it shouts?) "SLYTHERIN!!"  
  
Draco, of course, is very pleased by this, along with Blaise Zabini, (He's a girl, wait, no, she's a boy, wait! How come people on this site can't just get together and decide what gender this person is going to be. Or, wait, I know! How about, here's an idea, WRITE TO J.K. ROWLING AND ASK HER!!) who is of course also HOT AS HELL (no matter what gender they are), Crabbe, Goyle, and everyone else from Slytherin, especially MILLICENT BULSTRODE who is already having WET DREAMS ABOUT Maria Ana Celeste..WHILE SHE'S AWAKE (A/N: Is that humanly possible for a girl to have wet dreams? Tell me in your reviews if anyone knows.)  
  
Maria walks in slow motion SWAYING HER HIPS from side to side.  
  
"Well, hello there, I'm MALFOY, DRACO MALFOY. And you are?" (How come authors always put this. Is it that Draco is constantly not listening during Dumbledore's speeches and so consequently never knows Mary-Sue's name?)  
  
"Hello, I'm Martinez-Perez-Garcia-Hernandez, Maria Ana Celeste Vasthy Elena Mirieda Martinez-Perez-Garcia-Hernandez. But you can call me Maria. Or MACVEM. (a/n: That is an acronym for her first 6 names. LOL.)"  
  
"Pleasure to meet you, Macvem."  
  
"LIKEWISE." As usual, Mary-Sue is just too CONFIDENT and SELF-ASSURED to say "Thank you, you too," or something like that.  
  
Macvem's days went by quickly, and soon she was the most POPULAR girl at Hogwarts.  
  
One night at dinner, Dumbledore made a speech.  
  
"Students, I have an announcement to make (duh). We need some purpose for Macvem and Draco to HOOK UP. Therefore, we will be having a MASQUERADE BALL so that they can GRIND and HUMP ON THE DANCEFLOOR. Then they can go to their dorms and she can SHIZZLE HIS NIZZLE. The ball will be held on December 31. It has to be on New Years' Eve for two reasons. One: so we have a reason to have a ball other than the fact the author can't think of any original way to have Macvem and Draco HOOK UP, so they are using the "LET'S HAVE A MASQUERADE BALL" IDEA. Secondly: so that the ball can be really long so that they have time to go to their dorms and COPULATE, COHABIT, FORNICATE, ETC. without their non-presence being noticed. That is all." In character as usual (notice sarcasm here), Dumbledore continues to use phrases that he shares with the likes of SNOOP DOGG, AMONG OTHERS.  
  
"Macvem, would you like to go to the ball with me," Draco asked.  
  
"But then you will know who I am and the masquerade part won't be fun."  
  
"Obviously, but the only reason I'm asking you is because I know you'll say yes and then we can MATE later. If you don't go with me, I might GRIND, HUMP, and UNITE SEXUALLY with the wrong girl. Or it might even be a guy. Hey, come to think of it, that actually wouldn't be that bad. I mean, I've had sex with so many people, it wouldn't really matter, now, would it? Come to think of it, maybe I won't go with you. I actually think it would be better if we went separately. Your idea was definitely better than mine-"  
  
"Shut up, you're completely RUINING THE PLOTLINE. Beg me to go with you. Come on now, BEG!"  
  
"Oh, yes, yes please excuse me, my mistake, sorry about that. OH PLEASE, MACVEM, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GO WITH ME. I AM THE DRACO MALFOY. I CAN'T NOT HAVE A DATE. THAT WOULD RUIN MY WHOLE REPUTATION! I AM GROVELING FOR YOU. I'M DOWN ON ONE KNEE. PLEASE PLEASE-"  
  
"Jesus (a/n: sorry God), you're rambling today. Yes, yes, fine, I'll go with you if you would just please STOP MAKING A SCENE!"  
  
"Oh right, right, please excuse me, very, very sorry. Umm, yes, so I'll see you outside the girls' dorms on the 31st. Right then, okay, bye!" .::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.  
  
On December 31st, Macvem was busy getting ready for the ball when a RANDOM GIRL ran into the dormitory shouting.  
  
"VOLDEMORT HAS COME! HE IS ATTACKING THE SCHOOL, AND AS USUAL, THE TEACHERS ARE HOPELESSLY HELPLESS! PLEASE, SOMEONE, DO SOMETHING!"  
  
Macvem grabbed her wand and flew (yes, she flew WITHOUT A BROOM. Did I forget to mention she had magic powers? Isn't she just perfect-"SHUT UP AUTHOR, THIS IS MY STORY! NOW, BACK TO MY HEROICS") down the stairs to the Main Hall.  
  
"Avada Kedavra!" she shouted.  
  
Voldemort KEELED OVER, DEAD.  
  
"Hey, why didn't we think of that?" everyone shouts.  
  
"Well, even if you had, it wouldn't have worked. You see, only I can actually kill VOLDEMORT WITH THE KILLING CURSE."  
  
"Why is that?" yelled Hermione (who had, by the way, filled out in all the right places), obviously ANNOYED and EXTREMELY JEALOUS.  
  
"Well, you see, I come from a very special family. My grandfather was a Veela and my grandmother was half-unicorn, half-Death Eater. My mum was a fairy, and my dad was-he was-what's one of those things called that are big and wear cloaks?" (BTW, in case you didn't know, that's a line from HP and the OoTP!)  
  
"Dementors?" some random child from the crowd shouted.  
  
"Oh, yes, yes, that's the one. My father was a dementor. So, therefore, I'm a quarter-Veela, an eighth-unicorn, another eighth-Death Eater, a half- fairy, and a half-dementor."  
  
"That doesn't make any sense," shouted Hermione again.  
  
"Yes it does."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Because of two reasons. One, because I am the Mary-Sue of this story and therefore everything I say goes. Second of all, because I am much smarter than you and know the extreme calculations and mathematics that went into my birth and heritage. So there." Draco SNORTED WITH AMUSEMENT at her most OBVIOUSLY FUNNY JOKE.  
  
"Wait, you said your grandparents and your parents WERE Deatheaters and Veelas and all that jazz. How come they aren't anymore?" said another random kid from the crowd. You really don't need to know who it is, he is only in the story because he has asked a question that will OPEN THE DOOR TO THE PAST OF MACVEM.  
  
"Well, what do you think? I am MARY-SUE for God's sake. I have to have a dark past. Therefore, my whole family has been BLOWN OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH by Voldemort, who is, in fact, MY UNCLE. Not by blood, of course. You see, my other uncles' sisters' boyfriends' cats' chewtoys' mums' fathers' brother is Voldemort. That's how he and my aunt met. And so, anyway, yeah, HE KILLED THEM."  
  
A hush fell over the crowd.  
  
Suddenly, the readers burst through the door.  
  
"Hey how'd you all get in here? This is my story!" yelled the author and MACVEM.  
  
"Listen, the both of you, we don't care about Mary-Sue's past, or her defeat of Voldemort or any of that crap. We just want to hear the part where the author describes Draco and Macvem's snogging session in prolonged, sickening detail. So get on with it!"  
  
"Fine, fine. Draco, you heard them! And the rest of you, back to your dorms. And teachers, to your offices now."  
  
"All right, all right, we're going," everyone grumbled.  
  
"Thank you! Now, on with the snogging session."  
  
Draco slowly walked up to Macvem.  
  
"I'm going to snog you now."  
  
"Duh."  
  
After these extremely ROMANTIC LINES, they kiss. AT FIRST, NOTHING HAPPENS. THEN HE STARTS RUNNING HIS TONGUE ALONG HER BOTTOM LIP, BEGGING FOR ENTRY. SHE IMMEDIATELY GRANTS IT TO HIM. QUICKLY, IT BECOMES PASSIONATE. SHE STARTS COPYING AND PASTING HIS MOVEMENTS WITH HER TONGUE. SHE LETS OUT A MOAN OF DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN SHE NO LONGER FEELS HIS LIPS ON HERS. BUT THEN SHE GASPS WHEN SHE FEELS THEM ON HER NECK. HE STARTS PUTTING HIS HANDS UNDER HER-  
  
.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.  
  
Okay then, this story is PG so that's where I'm going to end it. I hope you all enjoyed it very much! Sorry about the length, but since I'm doing different pairings in every chapter, I had to put it all together like this. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Now, you know what to do. But, in case you have forgotten, I will remind you: REVIEW!!! PLEASE! FLAMES ARE WELCOME! ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING!  
  
One more quick thank you to JuicyJuice. Alrighty then, that is all.  
  
Bye Children.  
  
((((( ((  
( 


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